The Annoyance & Crackhead: My mother and her boyfriend. The epitome of methadone-junkies. All around miserable douche bags who do their best to keep me miserable as well. Complete and utter burnouts.

Holly: My best friend. The only woman I’ll ever love. <3 She is the most intelligent and honest person I have ever met. I've never had a more genuine friend.

Lover: My fiancé. The man of my dreams. The one I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. If there’s such a thing as a ’soul mate’, he’s mine. He’s incredible. I love him more than everything in the world and I can’t wait to grow old and crusty with him.

Carrot: My best guy friend. He’s my favorite person in the world to talk to. There’s nobody in the world that “gets me” as well as he does. He’s disgustingly intelligent and super fun to be around.

Cousin E: My cousin; pretty much my sister. Everyone mistakes her and I for lesbian lovers because we call The Monster our daughter. She’s quite a riot: Very outspoken and can be quite a drama queen, but I love her all the same. I don’t think I’d be the person I am now without her…

The Monster: Cousin’s daughter, born 1-1-08. She is the cutest little girl in the universe! She’s super smart, and absolutely fucking adorable. I stepped in as “Mommy #2″ for a while, while her daddy was out of the picture, and I fell in love — She makes me want to be a better person.

Romeo: My adorable 10-month-old kitten. He is bright orange with beautiful tiger stripe markings and looks like a cartoon. He is quite a fatso, but he’s very energetic and quite insane. He’s super intelligent, too. (He can catch. With his paws. I bet your cat can’t do that!) He lights up my entire life.