Hubby dropped me home after that, and I worked on The Speak Easy forums for a little bit before I fell asleep until like, 6 o’clock, when Romeo decided it was time for me to get up. I started working on the forums and the Cam Chat then, and started trying to get a hold of Hubby. No luck for quite a while, but I did get the forums and the camchat up. Once I did get a hold of him, he was almost done doing what he was doing and said he’d be here soon.

Shortly after, The Crackhead came in and said that he was rushing The Annoyance to the hospital. Her stomach is really distended on one side and is giving her excruciating pain in her stomach. :owie: She talked to a doctor-friend, who said that it sounds like her Gallbladder, so she was going to go to the ER and see what’s wrong, and if there was anything that needed to be done, she was going to go somewhere else. I left them our new house number and begged them to please keep me updated on how she’s doing and what’s going on.

They came home a half hour later, saying my mom couldn’t sit in the Waiting Room chairs anymore – The ER was too backed up, so they were going to try to find another hospital to go to tonight, or go tomorrow at some point. I am not pleased. :angry: She always does this – If there’s something seriously wrong, she won’t take care of it, but if it’s something minor that she can just come home with some painkillers, she’s all for it.

On top of that, I’ve been trying to get a hold of my father since December because he left me a message on FaceBook saying that he needed to meet up with me to sign some papers about my Grandmother’s Will. I suggested one meeting, but he said that he was working and couldn’t make it. He never answered. I’ve sent him at least two messages a month since then and haven’t gotten a response to a single one.

I miss you terribly and I know that you’ve got papers for me to sign, although I don’t know what for… I haven’t heard back from you since you said you couldn’t meet me at the hospital, so I figured I’d follow up with you. When will you have some free time? I can have either J or my friend Ben bring me to meet you.

…I still haven’t heard back from you. What’s going on with this paperwork?

I’m still waiting for a reply as to when you want me to meet up with you to sign papers. I don’t know what papers they are, but you messaged me months ago asking me to tell you when I could sign them, and I haven’t heard from you since. I can’t imagine why you’d be avoiding me – I couldn’t have done anything wring… … I would like to see you besides just to sign pepers — I miss you! I love you!

I know that he hates when I leave messages on his wall, cause he’s embarrassed for his friends to see my message and think he’s a bad person. I knew that was the only way to get him to write back, so I did it. I wasn’t too bad, either, given the circumstances. I also sent it in message form, so he’d get it one way or another. It was a little harsh, but necessarily so. I don’t feel like typing it all out, so here’s a screenshot of it… He deleted it, so I left another.

At that point, I was really, really angry. Someone left a wall post saying something about him being a great dad, and I had to comment Of course he deleted it, so I left another…

After that, he finally started answering my messages. There were several sent back and forth, and none of them were pleasant. [If you don’t want to read any of the others, this is the most important. He basically doesn’t consider me his daughter and never tried to tell me any different.

It really bothers me, but I know it shouldn’t. I didn’t see him for most of my life, and now he doesn’t consider me family, so why should I care about him? I know that’s how I should look at it, and in a way, I do – He’s dead to me now. As far as I’m concerned, I don’t have a father – but my heart is still broken over it.

I spent the rest of the night finishing up Sweet Leaf Tribune’s Speak Easy and The Cyph, to make SLT interactive. After that, I played Super Mario Bros. 3 on the Wii until 3am, when I was finally able to fall asleep.

TODAY
It was my turn to go to the doctor at ass o’clock. Hubby stayed last night so a) I wouldn’t be alone if The Annoyance and Crackhead were out all night; and b) So he’d be here to take me to my appointment. We had to be up and out of the house by 7:45, but Hubby was impossible to wake up, so we didn’t end up leaving until almost 8. My appointment was at 8:15, and without directions, we still made it perfectly on time.

I went to see a psychiatrist about getting medication to keep me sane. We sat and talked, he asked questions and I answered, for about an hour. He then told me that I definitely have a Mood Disorder, but he thinks I was misdiagnosed as BiPolar. He also said I’ve got OCD and some other issues. He put me on a new medication, Cybiax or something like that — He said it was Prozac mixed with something else — and upped my Xanax prescription to 1.5mg a day. He gave me enough for 10 days, and I have to go see him in 12. I’ll have to stretch my meds a little bit…

I got the Xanax filled right away, but the Cymbiax won’t be done until around 5:30. I asked Hubby if he’d take me to get that one, and take me to the court to see how I go about getting an extension to pay my fine. I’ve raised $200 of it, but need $50 more. I hope they don’t try to tell me I can’t have one and put me in jail or something. That would be horrible.

Right now, I’m sitting here waiting for the Xanax to kick in so I’m not freaking out so much anymore, and waiting for Hubby to get here. We’re going to go visit friends, hopefully, for a few minutes and pick something up, then coming back here to take a nap until 3:45 or so. I want to get to the court by 4 cause I don’t know how late they’re open, and then we have to figure out how to waste time until 5:30, so I can get my prescription and he can hand his in.

I think I’m going to go grab that crepe I was talking about and fuck around on the intarwebz for a while. I’ll see you guys later.

I have only been on 1mg of Xanax for about 2 weeks, but I can already feel the difference it makes. It’s absolutely incredible. I feel like me again. My chest doesn’t feel heavy; it’s like I can breath again – My first real breath in a long, long time. Instead of holding my feelings in until I burst, I’m able to talk about them and solve the problem right then and there, without freaking out. I’m not embarrassed, or nearly as scared to leave my house, or especially my bedroom. I’ve been hanging out with friends more, and am even looking forward to this party tomorrow.

I still have bad days, where my anxiety is absolutely horrendous, and I don’t know what to do with myself. Those days, as bad as it sounds and as guilty as it makes me feel, I take .5mg to 1mg extra, depending on how much works.

Eventually I will feel better, and I feel like a whole new person. I’m happy. I’m confident. I’m more out going. I can handle myself a lot better. If something needs to be talked out, I can do so right away, calmly and responsibly.

I can’t believe how much of a change this has made in me so far. Especially since I’ve been taking it for such a short time. It’s amazing. I can’t imagine taking anything else. I’m really hoping that once I get to the psychiatrist, if I tell him how much of a difference this has made and the list of medications I’ve already tried and how much worse they made me, he’ll let me stay on it, despite the addiction warning.

It’s only 1 o’clock, but I am exhausted, as I have been super early every day this week. I don’t understand why. I’m not waking up much earlier than usual. Wow, that makes me sound lazy. I’m going to bed now. I have stuff to work on tomorrow, hopefully, before Hubby comes to get me. I’ve got a lot of learning to do to implement what I want to here and on Sweet Leaf Tribune I hope it turns out as great as it looks in my imagination.

We hung out for a while. Aunt Lorie wasn’t doing very well, so I made her Split Pea soup and a PB&J sandwich, and my cousin, Cole, Vegetable Beef soup and a grilled cheese sandwich for dinner. My mouth hurt too bad to eat much of anything.

I love going to her house. It’s the only place I feel at home. It’s the only place I feel safe and free to do what I want. Once I get there, I never want to leave.

Cole gave up his bedroom for Hubby and I to have a place to sleep for the night, because he is the most awesome, considerate, adorable boy in the entire world. He’s seriously my favorite. We got to bed probably around 5 or 6; I know we went in there around 2:30, but we kept getting interrupted by my other cousin, Justin’s, retard friends. I got up probably around 2 or 3, and Hubby got up around 4:30. We both slept like dead babies.

We hung out until around 7:30 on Sunday, and then started our drive home. Hubby dropped me off and then headed home himself.

Yesterday, Monday, we ended up having an awesome date night. He picked me up around 4:30 and we headed to the bar. We stayed at the bar til around 7, when we headed to the Smoke Shop to get cigarettes, RiteAid to get candy and drinks, and then got to the movies just in time. We got executive parking, too – First spot! When we got inside, the Universal Studios logo was just coming on the screen for WolfMan to start.

It was a good movie, as much as we saw. We both kind of suck at movies and always start dozing off when we see them. I can’t even blame it on us making out… We’re such an ‘old’ couple. Hah. After the movie, he brought me back home and then drove himself home. This whole not-being-allowed-at-my-house thing SUCKS. I am so done with it.

Today, Tuesday, he decided he didn’t want to go out at all, so he stayed home to rest all day. I ended up hanging out with Benjammin for a few hours. We just sat around watching Law & Order: SVU and eating leftover candy, but it was good to see him again. I miss hanging out with him… He was always one of my bestest friends.

Tonight, Crackhead came home with a MagicJack. We haven’t had a phone in 2 months, so I was sort of excited. Until I installed it, of course. You can pick a “Vanity Number” for $10, one of their predetermined exchanges and your own last four digits for $3, or you can let them pick the entire number for you for free. I tried doing the $10 option first to try to get a local number, but everything I could think of was unavailable. I tried the $3 option next, but all of the exchanges are from a minimum of 45 minutes away, and therefore Long Distance for anyone that would be calling us. I decided on this option anyway, and found out that you don’t actually pick your own four digits – They give you a list of ones you can choose from. I was looking for a particular combination – 3309 – and finally found it after going through three or four of the predetermined exchanges. I’m quite happy now, though.

Now that I’m finished with that, it’s just about 10:15 and I am thoroughly exhausted and in horrendous pain. I’m going to take some pain medication and head to bed.

I have a doctor’s appointment to get blood work at 9:15am tomorrow, and then I have to run to the mall to A) Get my glasses adjusted. They’re a little crooked, and keep falling down my nose, and B) Find out the number for the Ophthalmologist to get my eye checked for the Melanoma, since it looks like the number is crossed out on the prescription.

I am so bad at getting up early. I’m gonna end up in bed at 7 tomorrow, with my old lady sleeping habits becoming more and more prominent.

Oh! Something exciting to leave you with: Hubby and I got invited to a party on Friday! We never get invited to parties. We have FRIENDS now! We never have friends. I am so stoked!

Since I finally got insurance cards, my teeth have been hurting worse and worse as the hours and days pass by, so I finally started calling dentists a few days ago. I called every dentist in the phone book and found ONE that takes my insurance. I called them back today and told them I need an appointment ASAP. They told me to call back after 5pm to check and see if there are cancellations for tomorrow. When I did, they told me to come in any time before 2pm. I want to cry, but I don’t know whether it’s out of terror or relief.

I am so, so scared of the dentist. Every time I get in the chair, I have a massive anxiety attack. My mom told me she’d give me a couple Clonopin, but I know she’ll only give me like, two, and that isn’t going to help me at all. Thankfully I got my Xanax prescription filled today, so I can take a couple of those as well. I also decided to pick up a 12-pack of Miller High Life to drink between tonight and tomorrow, so hopefully I won’t be feeling any fear.

My only hitch is that I can’t eat or drink anything after midnight because I have a regular doctor’s appointment at 9:40am to get bloodwork, and I have to fast beforehand.I completely forgot about it when I made my plan to get plastered tonight, and I’m kinda pissed about it. I’m going to have to figure out how to get some beers down between the doctor’s and the dentist. This isn’t going to be easy…

I got to my doctor’s appointment around 2:45, fifteen minutes early. They gave me the usual packet of papers and I sat down to fill them out. Before I was even half done with the first page, they were calling my name to go into the exam room. The nurse said I could finish my papers in there. She asked me to step on the scale, so I did – backwards. I told her I didn’t want to see what it said. She took my temperature and blood pressure, and told me the doctor would be in shortly.

I finished the first page and the doctor walked in and introduced himself. He started asking me questions about my back and told me that he wanted me to try seeing a Chiropractor, and if that doesn’t work, a Physical Therapist. After that, we moved on to my anxiety. I explained how I felt on a daily basis and he said that my anxiety level is over his head, he doesn’t know what to even suggest since I’ve taken all of the medications that he would have prescribed and had no improvement. He said he wants me to see a Psychiatrist ASAP and try to get on something that will work.

He also gave me the number for a Gastroenterologist and said he wants me to call them if the anxiety medications don’t help with my stomach problems as well. I have to go back on Wednesday to get some blood work, and two weeks after the Psychiatrist to update him on how I’m doing. In the meantime, he gave me a prescription for .5mg of Xanax for when I need them. Finally, a doctor willing to give me something that works!

He was the absolute most caring and compassionate doctor I have ever met in my life. I’m so thrilled that I found him and that he takes my insurance – I don’t ever want to go to another doctor again. I’ve heard so many people rave about him; they weren’t kidding when they said he was the nicest doctor ever. He’s just incredible. The nurses are all super sweet, too. Everything is run really well; there’s no wait at all, really. In fact, I had to finish filling out all the papers after the doctor left the room, so I made them wait.

I went straight from there to the mall to see the eye doctor. That place was a mad house; I’ve never seen so many people in there at the same time (Though I haven’t been there since the third grade ). Once I finally got through the mob and up to the receptionist, I filled out the required paper and was told to sit in the waiting area. I waited for about 15 minutes before I was called. First thing’s first – They have to blow air in your eyes, for some God awful reason. After that, we went into the exam room. He went through all the tests – Read this line. Read that line. 1 or 2? 1 or 2? – then looked at the inside of my eyeballs with a super bright light.

He got up and said that he has to get another doctor to look at something, and left the room. He came back in a few minutes later and brought me into the room next door, where I was informed to sit down. I asked if something was wrong. They said no, they just had to check something, and the second doctor shined the same bright light in my eye for a few minutes. He said he could see what the first doctor was looking at, but didn’t know if it was anything to worry about. The first doctor finally said that what they’re looking at is a freckle on one of the vessels in my eye; they want me to go see an Ophthalmologist – It could be a Melanoma. I thought you said nothing was wrong!? He said it’s nothing to lose sleep over, but it’s nothing that should go ignored either. Great.

He brought me back into the first exam room and told me that I’m obviously in need of glasses, and that I need to start wearing them all the time. I am both near and far-sighted, and I’ve got an astigmatism in both eyes. He led me back into the waiting area and told me to wait for someone else to call my name.

Shortly thereafter, my name was called again and I was led to the very front of the storefront, where the lady pointed at the very last case and said that these were the only glasses my insurance covered. I looked at them and didn’t know whether to cry or punch something – They were all hideous, wire framed and huge. I told her I’d rather not get any of them. I’d go without glasses, thanks.

She looked in the next case over and pulled out two pairs that she said were $60. The first pair was thick, black plastic frames; the second, blue with flowers and kind of funky. I tried both on, and both the lady and Hubby said the first pair were perfect. She said I’d need to put half the money down today, and the other half when I pick them up next week. Thank God I had some money in my pocket… I just hope my mother will reimburse me, since she doesn’t know I had it and I really need it to pay my fine next month.

I didn’t get a picture of the frames I chose. I was freaking out too bad about the Melanoma possibility, taking pictures didn’t even cross my mind. I’ll be sure to take a picture next week when I pick them up. Promise.

Hubby and I came back to my house where I explained everything that happened throughout the day to my mother, then had to help Hubby format his computer and reinstall Windows. About an hour ago, The Annoyance called me out to yell at me for something, and Crackhead walked into my room and said it smelled like ‘herb’. I tried telling him that we weren’t smoking in my room – It was just packed and sitting on my desk, but it’s real stinky. He threatened to call the police, kicked Hubby out for the next two weeks, and told me to get all the ‘reefer and paraphernalia’ out of the house.

I gave Hubby his bowl and my bong to bring home with him, and hid the rest of my nugget and my new bowl in my lock box at the top of my closet. I’ve been smoking in my room for years and they haven’t noticed. Not to mention they’re the main source of my anxiety. I’m not going to completely get rid of everything. I’ll seriously lose my mind.

I don’t know how I’m going to handle the next two weeks without Hubby here with me. He’s my sanity, and he helps keep me in line and out of trouble. He helps cheer me up when they beat me down, and he stops me before I go one sentence too far and get myself in trouble. I don’t know what I’d do without him. The next two weeks are going to be torture.

I should cross-post part of this entry to Sweet Leaf Tribune and try to make a discussion out of it. I haven’t posted there in so long, I feel so bad that it’s so dead (so, so, so, so…) but I haven’t had the motivation to do anything with it lately. I’m hoping once my anxiety is under control it’ll light a flame under my ass and, not only will I get SLT back on track, but I’ll also get my portfolio up and maybe even a job. I really, really hope so.

Our new friends were amazed that I design websites and that Hubby and I ‘know so much about computers’. They asked us a bunch of questions and we helped them figure out a bunch of stuff on their new computer. It was pretty hard showing them what to do when neither one of us could see the computer screen correctly. They kept making fun of us, and we just kept saying “I swear I’m not usually this retarded!” Thankfully they understood.

I’m so glad that we made new friends. Lover and I are always the antisocial couple – We either go to the bar or stay home. We used to hang out with Ben a lot, but haven’t been able to in about a month. Other than Ben though, we don’t really have any friends that we hang out with. It was totally unexpected and out of character for us, but we went along with it and actually enjoyed ourselves a lot. They’re a real chill couple and they have the most adorable little boy. I’m so proud of us for being social and having a good time. We definitely need to do it more often.

We left there and went to Cumberland farms to pick up some munchie food. We got some ice cream and some other yummy stuff and came home to make sundaes and pig out on junk food for the rest of the night. We ended up passing out pretty early, I think, and slept until around 1 o’clock this afternoon.

We got up and got dressed as fast as we could and had to run to the bar for Pool League. I hate when we do that – Every time we rush to get there, they end up having enough people to play, so Hubby has to sit back and watch. He gets so disappointed. I didn’t really pay attention to who won or lost – It didn’t matter to me if my lover wasn’t participating. We ended up leaving there around 5:30 I think. We stopped at QuikChek to get milkshakes and Milk Duds, and came back home to watch Law & Order: Criminal Intent.

Lover left about an hour ago. I was hoping he’d be able to stay over again cause he’s taking me to the doctor tomorrow, but I couldn’t be so lucky. He’ll be back tomorrow to pick me up.

I finally got my insurance cards! I’m so relieved. I called around to a million dentists the other day and couldn’t find a single one that a) Accepted my insurance and b) Had ‘access’ to anything like nitrous oxide to knock me out – Or at the very least, calm me down – so I can sit through my appointment without having a coronary. I did, however, find both a medical doctor and an eye doctor. I have appointments with both tomorrow, at 3 and 4:15 respectively.

I’m going to ask the doctor for something to help with my anxiety and back pain, and hopefully take a shot at asking him to give me something to go to the dentist. The worst he can say is no – If that happens, I’ll have to save up some money and buy some Adavan or Valium or something.

I’m excited for the eye doctor, too. I’ve been using store bought reading glasses for years because when I try to read, my eyes start bugging out and I get horrible migraines. I’ve had the same pair of prescription glasses since I was in the third grade, and not only are they not nearly strong enough anymore, they’re horribly hideous. I need a new pair that work and look good. I found a pair at Sears, but they (of course) don’t take my insurance. I’m hoping I can find a comparable pair at the place I’m going. I wonder if they’ll let me take pictures of the ones I try on…

I think that about sums it up. I’ll be sure to come back and say something about the doctors, and hopefully show what my new glasses will look like tomorrow.

I’ve got a post to write for Sweet Leaf Tribune (due to it’s ‘inappropriate nature’, I’ll link to it from here.) that I was going to write up quick tonight, but now that I spent the last 60 minutes installing stupid little smiling faces, I’m so tired I’ll probably be face planted into my keyboard before the whole entry is written. I’ll get to that tomorrow instead; it’ll still be relevant.

Now the smileys. [Please work. Please work. Please work.]

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I’m a couple of days late on this post, but that’s okay. Lover and I have decided not to celebrate Valentine’s Day with everybody else. If anyone knows anything about us, this shouldn’t come as much of a surprise. We don’t like to do ‘normal’ things. Exhibit A: The fact that we’re even together. Hah.

Lover and I dated for four years, from 2002 to 2006. We had a really, really tough relationship with a lot of rocky parts, then went through a horrible breakup and didn’t speak to each other for three years. We saw each other again for the first time in February of last year. We hung out very briefly that day; it felt very awkward. A few days later, we decided to try it again, so I went with him while he tended bar for the night. We caught up on a lot of things that we missed while we were apart and just talked about basically everything. By midnight when his shift was over, it was very clear that we still had very strong feelings for each other. We started hanging out almost daily for the next month or so, until March 3, when I decided it was the perfect chance to fulfill my goal of asking someone on a date.

We have spent the last year realizing how lucky we are to have found each other again. After the break up we had, neither one of us ever imagined we’d find our ways back into each others’ lives, but both wished in every way (shooting stars, birthday candles, loose eyelashes, 11:11, etc.) that we would. We have both done a lot of growing up and changing in the three years that we were apart, and it shows so prominently when we’re together. Our relationship is so much stronger and more stable now; it’s almost too good to be true.

In June, Lover asked me to marry him. It was quite the cute proposal, I must say. Please excuse the bluntness of my story – I don’t sugarcoat things, and I don’t want to go into too many details. (I’m trying to be short, sweet, and to the point.) I just want to give the gist of what happened, because I’ve yet to write about it here, and everyone that we’ve told the story to has said it’s the best. proposal. ever.:

Lover’s dad owns a bar and, as mentioned before, he used to tend bar on Sundays. When him and I first got together, we would go there every Sunday and I would hang out and keep him company while he worked because Sundays are generally pretty dead. At midnight, we closed up and cleaned everything. We sat down at the bar, had a beer, and daydreamed about what it would be like for the bar to be ours. When we finished, we went home to his grandmother’s house.

His grandmother, for some reason that we cannot figure out, has a deep set hatred for me. No matter what we try to do, we can’t shake it. She couldn’t be kind to me if her life depended on it, I swear. I’m not her biggest fan either, but it’s really only because she’s always so downright awful to me. I’m still always nothing but rainbows and sunshine to her, though. I’m not going to disrespect her in her own house.

Well, anyway — At this point in mine and Lover’s relationship, I wasn’t allowed in the house. We always had to sleep out in the cabin in the backyard. On this particular night, we got into the cabin and got comfortable – watched some television, smoked, talked and joked around. Eventually, one thing led to another and we had sex. When we were finished, Lover was still on top of me, panting. In between breaths, he said, very seriously, “That was the best. sex. ever. This isn’t going to be the last time I fuck you, right?!” I was kind of confused, so I just answered, “I… certainly… hope not!” He said something like “The last time I fucked someone like that, I never saw them again. Promise me that won’t happen with you!” I promised, hesitantly. I didn’t know if I should be offended that he was bringing up past girls. After that, he kind of just blurted out, “I know this is kind of horrible timing, but… Will you marry me?!”

He was still on top of me, so I wrapped my arms and legs around him and started kissing him all over. I started bawling my eyes out; I couldn’t control it. It was like emotional overload. I looked up at him and asked if he was serious. He assured me he was. I said, “God, yes! I didn’t think this day would ever come!” and we wrapped our arms around each other tightly, giving each other little kisses here and there.

It was the happiest night of my life. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with him! We’ve been browsing through stores and magazines, getting ideas for things we’d like to see or have at our wedding. On Sunday, at the bar, Lover’s friend J came with leftovers from the restaurant he works at [he's the head chef] and I declared that I wanted him to cook all the food, and Samma to make our cake. I’m hoping to make as much of the decorations and party favor type things myself, which should definitely take me quite a while. Sidenote: If I complain about being bored during that time, I give you all permission to beat me.

So anyway – Back to the real point of this entry:

About a week before Valentine’s Day, we got to talking and I realized that our One Year Re-Anniversary is on March 3. We figured that spending a bunch of money for Valentine’s Day to celebrate with the rest of the world, and then wait two weeks and do it all over again, when we don’t even really have the money to do it the first time, would be pretty ridiculous. I think waiting the extra two weeks to celebrate Valentine’s Day and our Re-Anniversary together will be Extra Special.

I didn’t want to give him nothing on Valentine’s Day, so I wrote him a letter, that turned out to be three pages, that basically explained how much I love him and what he means to me. He loved it, and I’m really glad. He kept pointing out little things that he said he felt exactly the same about. It made me feel good. He got me a box of Russel Stover chocolates, but not just any chocolates. No way! I absolutely loathe chocolate. I think it’s the most vile substance on the planet. (I know, what kind of girl am I?!) He found a box of assorted white chocolates. Genius! I didn’t even know such a thing existed – How awesome is that?!

All in all, we had a very good Valentine’s Day, even though for us, it’s technically not over yet. I’ll be sure to make another post about Part 2, for anyone interested besides ourselves.

Since I started having problems with my stomach, I’ve had to start eating super bland foods all the time, like pasta in chicken broth, oatmeal, lettuce with salad dressing, plain chicken and the like. I’m a really, really picky eater, so finding things that I like and can actually eat has been pretty hard.

One of the biggest problems I’ve had with this is that I have a serious sweet tooth, but a lot of the things I love to snack on make me really sick. I absolutely love ice cream, but I haven’t been able to eat it in four months without it coming right back up. I eat fairly healthy most of the time, but I’ve always had some sort of delicious snack to satisfy the sugar cravings. This thing with my stomach makes finding this sort of thing quite difficult.

I have been living on Italian Ice for the past three months, and although it is one of my favorites, I am getting pretty damn sick of it. Over the past few weeks, I started getting brave and tried eating cupcakes, shortbread cookies, and iced brownies. The cupcakes were fine, but the cookies and brownies ended up making me vomit again. They were so good, though – I’m so disappointed.

One of the things I’ve found that I can eat without a problem are Milk Duds. I’ve developed an unhealthy obsession with them. They’re my new favorite thing in the entire world, and if I could, I’d probably live off of them. Caramel is one of my favorite types of candy, and although I despise chocolate, there’s not even enough on them to taste it. Because of my teeth, it’s probably one of the worst candies for me to be eating, but they’re my weakness.

I’ve been in so much pain today, I’ve been completely miserable. I didn’t want to do anything but lay in bed and cry, but Lover convinced me to get up and go out for a while to see a couple of friends. We had to stop for gas at some point, and when he came outside, he had bought me a box of them. He knows exactly how to cheer me up, heh. It totally made my day.

I’ve been absent from the intarwebs for quite a while, but I’m back now! Over the past couple of months, I’ve been in and out of the hospital, moved into a new apartment, and basically had a nervous breakdown at least three times. I didn’t have Internet access for about a month, which was definitely a huge contributor to one of the aforementioned breakdowns.

I finally got the Internet hooked back up a few days ago, and right away started to dive face first back into the Internet and Blogging World. I’ve been working on this new layout, which I finally finished earlier today. I made the header image from scratch and though it’s super simple and kind of weird, I’m really happy with the way it came out. I spent a lot of time tonight uploading pictures to Flickr and trying to get all of my Social Networking profiles together. I’m also trying to think of ways to make this site more interactive.

I’d really like to be able to connect with visitors, if there are any left. I’m so bored with just writing and reading blogs and not actually interacting with anyone in the blogging community. Isn’t this why we do this? To find like-minded people to make e-friends with? I mean, I understand that writing a personal blog is hugely a personal endeavor and should be done to make yourself happy, but I don’t see the point in sharing it over the Internet if you’re not trying to find people who you can relate to and build friendships with…

One thing I’ve decided to do is start a 365 Project. I’ve tried doing this before and failed miserably, and have been weary of trying again since because I don’t like failing. Since I got back online, I’ve been catching up on quite a few peoples’ blogs that started one of these projects and I find myself checking back constantly to see the next photo in the set. My first photo is the one at the top of the post; I’m hoping that the set will be just as intriguing, but I won’t get my hopes up. You shouldn’t either. :P I’m also hoping that taking part in the project will give me a reason to update more often, cause I never feel like I have anything worthwhile to say.