Hi, I'm Ally. I'm a 23-year-old pagan web developer, writer, and blogger from Upstate, New York. When I'm not building websites, I'm a marijuana law reform activist and an honest, opinionated, open-minded, pot smoking hippie princess. I'm engaged to an amazing man and the mistress to an adorable orange kitty. I love to paint, knit, read, and enjoy nature as much as possible, but above all else: Coding is my sanity. » keep reading...

Twitter: Apparently if a blurb of my posts show up on social networking sites, it doesn't show the link with it. Odd. Here: http://ping.fm/Fc9GN 10 hrs ago

Free

Posted on Dec 8, 2008 at 01:02 am
Filed under Offline and tagged
10 comments

You told me it was my fault
You told me you were ready to give your life to me
You told me that I hurt you really badly

I’ve spent the past six months racking my brain, trying to figure out what it could have been
I’ve spent the past six months driving myself crazy with guilt

I spent a month in counseling with people who didn’t listen
I spent three days in the mental hospital for the slashes in my arm

I lost almost all of my friends
I lost a lot of my family
I lost my life
I lost myself

Why do you hold so much power over me, after all this time?
Why does all this have to surface now?

I was finally okay without you
I was starting to get my life back together

Now I feel like everything is crashing down around me
Now I feel like my heart is breaking all over again
Now I feel stupid for having gone through what I have
Now I feel used for having put up with your lies for so long

How could you do this to me?
How could you make me feel like this is all my fault?
How could you betray me so badly?
How could you lie to me so harshly?

I hate you for everything you have put me through
I hate you for making me feel the way that I do

I hate myself for letting you have so much power over me
I hate myself for taking so long to get over you

I’m so glad I am out of the whole situation
I’m so glad that you’re stuck with the crazy bitch that you “hate” so much
I’m so glad that I am finally free of the guilt I’ve been feeling for so long

I’m so glad that I’m finally free from you
I’m so glad that I’m finally free to move on
I’m so glad that I’m finally free to be me

10 Responses to “Free”

  1. Comment by Cassidy — December 8, 2008 @ 9:06 pm

    Sadly, there will always be people that have that hold over you, but you can always cope and get around it.

  2. Comment by Sincere — December 12, 2008 @ 2:33 am

    I’m pretty sure I’m able to identify with the release you’re feeling…from writing this. Because it sounds like something I might have wrote a couple months ago.

  3. Comment by Deanna — December 12, 2008 @ 6:21 am

    I’m sorry to hear that you had to go through something like that. But it sounds like you are getting better now. I hope you are starting to see the person you want to be in yourself.

  4. Comment by nimil — December 12, 2008 @ 9:26 am

    oh wow these words brought back some powerful memories of a previous relationship i had… but in the end it looks like you’re free of this person… which in the end is the best thing.

  5. Comment by Angelica — December 13, 2008 @ 6:13 pm

    I don’t know who you’re writing about or what that person has done to you but it’s good that you’ve broken free from whoever it is. I feel your pain and anger through those words and nobody who makes you feel that way is worth your time. You go girl!

  6. Comment by Bella — December 14, 2008 @ 5:58 pm

    You are a beautiful writer.
    It sounds as though things are starting to look up for you, I hope they are :)

  7. Comment by Brittney — December 15, 2008 @ 12:45 am

    This is the first time I’ve come across your blog and I am very impressed with your writing. I think there are many that can relate to this post, it is inspiring.

  8. Comment by Komodo Dragon — December 17, 2008 @ 3:14 am

    Ally, you really do have a gift for witting! :)

  9. Comment by Brittney — December 17, 2008 @ 5:36 pm

    That sounds amazing! My domain name is going to expire during December so I might as well…(:

  10. Comment by Garry R Kennedy — February 8, 2009 @ 7:33 pm

    Excellent! Good for you!

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