I have been in more pain than usual lately, and it hasn’t made this adventure any easier at all. I have a wisdom tooth that’s been trying to grow in for a couple years now, but there’s not enough room in my mouth for it. The whole right side of my face is swollen. I look like I gained all the weight back that I worked so hard to lose, but only in my face and foot.

So, I got through Day 12 without the help of Suboxone, and I was super proud of myself. Yesterday would’ve been Day 13 – Today would’ve been 14 – had I not taken something to ease the pain in my face. I went as long as I could without it, but I couldn’t take it anymore. The good part: It wasn’t Methadone. The bad part: It was still an opiate. So I guess I cheated. Or relapsed. Or something.

I really don’t think it’s fair that it’s considered fucking up when I genuinely need the medication. I had an anxiety attack before I took it because I felt like I was cheating or doing something wrong. Now I don’t even want to go to the dentist to get the tooth pulled, cause they’ll give me medication afterward that I’ll feel too guilty to take.

This shit sucks. What the hell am I supposed to do?